Like most, I to have hobbies, interests etc...
I am obsessed with Xbox Live and any Apple product.
I have a deep passion for music. As soon as I have enough money saved i will be purchasing a acoustic guitar. YAY!!
I like to draw.
I am originally from North Carolina. Being raised by a loving grandma that had a serious obsession with Elvis Presley. My mom a half hippy half biker chic that was never accepting of growing up. My stepfather severe alcoholic biker nicknamed Wolf (enough said). My childhood nights were mostly hidden in my bedroom watching Disney movies to drown out the yelling coming from the living room. The breaking of glass. The slamming of doors. The heavy footsteps down the hall toward my bedroom door. As my stomach knotted the door flung open. "Celia get skinny bear we're leaving". I would look at my mothers face to see tears dragging mascara down her flushed cheeks to her bloody lip. Then quickly scramble to find my teddy bear (skinny bear).As "Wolf" would continue yelling in the background in a drunken stupor. I would hope this would be the last time. We wouldn't come back like last time.
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Mother is God in the eyes of the child....
I had this dream when I was a child. Its was a reoccurring nightmare.
Everything would have a blue tint to it. We would be standing outside of a dark connivence store. My mother would look down at me and say stay right here baby imma be right back. She would turn away and walk into the store. Its would dark very quickly. Like the noon had fast forwarded into the night. I would begin to feel that anxiety knot in my stomach. I would yell "ma ma?" with a shaky voice. I would poke my head in the door of the store. It would be so dark in there that I couldn't see but vague shadows. My mind would race with fear that something. Some horrific monster would grab me and kill me right there. I pulled my head back and quickly leaned against the wall of the store. Making sure to be so stiff and not to move a muscle. As to not be seen by the evil that lurked around. Then the door began to open. A wave of relief came over me. It was mom. I thought to myself as i peered towards the door. A snake slithered out half way. (I cant recall the color) It stood like a cobra. It hissed at me and said. Your moms not coming back for you. She's gone.
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Thats all I can recall at the moment. I understand the separation anxiety and abandonment issues that are underlined in that dream. I dont have that dream anymore, but it still bothers me as a adult.
That took alot out of me. I have only told my girlfriend these stories that I will be sharing in this blog. I want to tell all these things I have been obligated to carry in my life. I do not want to take them to my grave. I want to leave this world as clean as I came into it....
